"What a time to be alone" by Chidera Eggerue aka @theslumflower (book)
Writing my morning and evening journal in 5 minute journal app
Breathing techniques when I'm stressed or about to burst (try alternate nostril breathing, box breathing, and 4-7-8 breathing)
Breathing techniques when I feel cold and sluggish and stagnant (try Kapalbhati – breath of fire)
Crying when I feel like crying
"Body positive power" by Megan Crabbe (book)
Accepting that feelings and healing and traumas come and go in waves
Getting rid of people that make me feel bad or hard to love
Taking the time to do yoga when I feel a certain way
Being honest about my feelings, even if that makes people pissed
“The Intuitive Eating Workbook” by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch (book)
Write down everything that’s shit when things are shit
Taking time off social media and my phone (I use the forest app)
Hiking in the mountains or forest at least once a week
Working through my thought and mind traps, either with my therapist or with apps like Moodnotes
The last time I was here the city was painted in a faint, pastel gray colour scheme, and I spent most of the time looking down on the icy pavement trying not to fall. This time the city was green and buzzing with life, outdoor cafes, crazy taxi drivers and Russian/Ukrainian covers of ESC songs from the 90’s. And it has started to grow on me. The stern people who are actually extremely friendly when you get to know them, the terrible vegetarian food, the cheap beer, the chaotic language, and how everything is exactly like home except nothing is. I had my first (and hopefully last) experience at a karaoke bar, saw people eat burgers with latex gloves (it’s apparently a normal thing), and found a “10000% original” Fenty Beauty pop-up shop on a random street.
An honorable mention to my coworkers, who’re some of the funkiest, kindest and most genuine people I know. Thank you for showing me your city and your culture.
August was full of tides and heat and contrasts. From lazy work days to seeing Kendrick Lamar in Oslo to mountain hikes to heart breaks. All refreshing and exhausting at the same time. I walked a lot; spoke for hours on the phone with my best bae. I got drunk in the middle of the day and got a sunburned scalp, wanted to punch people in the face, and still haven’t slept soundly (med free) for a full night since January.
And now, I’m tired. 2018 was supposed to be the year where I had fun, after five years of studying and constantly having a rabbit heart. I think I have forgotten how. The rabbit is still there, beating the beat of all the things I should have done and would have done if only I’d been better.
I am better. Better at saying no. Better at saying yes.
Better at telling people to fuck off. Better at saying sorry. And not saying sorry, when it’s not my fault.
Better at being tired. Better at being angry. Better at being sad.
I just need to learn to get better at all the good stuff as well.